Worries

Do you ever feel like people will forget about you?

Like, not in a little way. You feel like people won’t remember you exist unless you’re talking to them, in their bubbles, that kind of thing.

Often people tell me that they think I don’t like them, when actually it’s the complete opposite. And I’m terrified by that. Because I’m quiet and anxious people think that I don’t want them around. And it happens all the time. So I’ve started giving people presents every time I see them so that they know, yeah, I do like you.

But this is causing people to think I’m clingy. Which, to be fair, I am. But they don’t like that either. I feel like I can’t get anything right. People come and they go pretty quickly. And I’m getting exhausted by it. I want someone to stick around. I want someone who won’t just block me out of the blue. I want someone who likes me just as much as I like them.

I’m starting to worry that it won’t happen though, that the friends I make and the boys I date will run out soon and I’m going to be alone again. Is it me? Is it them? It’s probably both. But I’m worried about it.

The Future

Lately I’ve been wanting to disappear into a book but I haven’t been able to get myself to actually sit down and do it. I need things to do with my hands and I need sound on in the background so I don’t have to listen to my own thoughts.

If I had to choose one, it would be either a dystopian future where everything is boxed in and the world outside is a mess, an apocalyptic future where you’re forced to scavenge to survive, or an exciting space adventure in a ship out in the middle of nowhere.

Or maybe that’s just what I want my life to be. I want to not have to worry about monotony. I want to be in my little bubble and not have to worry about living my life or what my future holds. I want to focus on one day at a time. And that’s really what I’ve been doing. And that’s why I’ve been missing. I’m unable to see very far ahead into the future at the moment, and that’s okay.

And if you feel like that too, it’s okay. It won’t be like that forever.